Paul Collingwood sat in a quiet hotel room here today and talked about the most desperate time of his long and heroic career. His wretched winter in Australia had reminded him of the hardest time of all, in this country four years ago, when he almost broke down in tears.
"I've been through some horrible times," he said. "I've played [international] cricket for nine years and reckon I've been through four horrible, bad runs of form. Some people might say that's too many but I don't see that as a huge thing.
"When you're going through it you think: 'Christ, this is terrible.' But I remember the last time round when we lost the Ashes 5-0 and played the one-day series. I remember getting out to Andrew Symonds on Australia Day when I plinked it to mid-off trying to hit over the top. I remember literally sitting in the locker – actually in the locker – nearly in tears. So there have been plenty of low points along the way."
However, he turned around his form so that England went on to win that one-day series. "It was ridiculous. I went from that point thinking I can't even bat any more to getting five man of the matches on the trot. So that's what I'm saying – it can change quickly. I didn't do anything different technically. It was more of a mind‑set thing and ballsy and being 100% committed to hitting it, shackles off, someone's going to win here."
Those bad times came flooding back into Collingwood's mind here because he has had another rough ride in Australia. He retired from Test cricket this month after scoring 83 runs at 13.83 in the Ashes series, following his 119 at 19.83 in four matches against Pakistan last summer.
Then he was dropped in Melbourne for the opening match of the current ODI series. He had scored only one fifty in 15 matches but this was the first time he had been dropped since the end of 2002.
He was also left out for the second ODI in Hobart and though he played in Sydney on Sunday he looked hopelessly out of touch and was bowled for a second-ball duck. In Adelaide yesterday, however, his stand with Michael Yardy at the end of the England innings suggested that better times were not far away.
"I don't feel I've got to that point mentally where I was four years ago," he said. "We have been winning, which makes it a lot easier. The older you get the more you keep things in perspective as well. But it's so frustrating not being in good form. I was in such good nick last year in South Africa and I have not been able to bring that to Australia. But I honestly think it is just around the corner, so hopefully yesterday was the spark that I needed."
Having given up the longer game Collingwood is now in the last stages of his one-day career. But England, who play the fifth match of this series at The Gabba on Sunday, need a fit Collingwood for the Word Cup next month because they need a top-six batsman who can bowl.
In Adelaide, unusually, he played as the fifth bowler in a side packed with batsmen. One of those batsmen must make way in the World Cup. Jonathan Trott was the favourite to miss out but now Ian Bell and Kevin Pietersen are looking more vulnerable.
"Jonathan's been superb," Collingwood said. "He brings that solidity to the batting line-up. You always want your batsmen to put pressure on the bowlers but he brings that solidity to the order where you can bat around him.
"Don't say he is Jacques Kallis or anything like that but he is that kind of player where he goes at his own rhythm and tempo and will score big runs. If you have batsmen to play around him, that's good for the team and you will post big totals." But if England's brittle batting line-up is to achieve big totals it will need Collingwood to rediscover his best form.
"When you're going through it you think: 'Christ, this is terrible.' But I remember the last time round when we lost the Ashes 5-0 and played the one-day series. I remember getting out to Andrew Symonds on Australia Day when I plinked it to mid-off trying to hit over the top. I remember literally sitting in the locker – actually in the locker – nearly in tears. So there have been plenty of low points along the way."
However, he turned around his form so that England went on to win that one-day series. "It was ridiculous. I went from that point thinking I can't even bat any more to getting five man of the matches on the trot. So that's what I'm saying – it can change quickly. I didn't do anything different technically. It was more of a mind‑set thing and ballsy and being 100% committed to hitting it, shackles off, someone's going to win here."
Those bad times came flooding back into Collingwood's mind here because he has had another rough ride in Australia. He retired from Test cricket this month after scoring 83 runs at 13.83 in the Ashes series, following his 119 at 19.83 in four matches against Pakistan last summer.
Then he was dropped in Melbourne for the opening match of the current ODI series. He had scored only one fifty in 15 matches but this was the first time he had been dropped since the end of 2002.
He was also left out for the second ODI in Hobart and though he played in Sydney on Sunday he looked hopelessly out of touch and was bowled for a second-ball duck. In Adelaide yesterday, however, his stand with Michael Yardy at the end of the England innings suggested that better times were not far away.
"I don't feel I've got to that point mentally where I was four years ago," he said. "We have been winning, which makes it a lot easier. The older you get the more you keep things in perspective as well. But it's so frustrating not being in good form. I was in such good nick last year in South Africa and I have not been able to bring that to Australia. But I honestly think it is just around the corner, so hopefully yesterday was the spark that I needed."
Having given up the longer game Collingwood is now in the last stages of his one-day career. But England, who play the fifth match of this series at The Gabba on Sunday, need a fit Collingwood for the Word Cup next month because they need a top-six batsman who can bowl.
In Adelaide, unusually, he played as the fifth bowler in a side packed with batsmen. One of those batsmen must make way in the World Cup. Jonathan Trott was the favourite to miss out but now Ian Bell and Kevin Pietersen are looking more vulnerable.
"Jonathan's been superb," Collingwood said. "He brings that solidity to the batting line-up. You always want your batsmen to put pressure on the bowlers but he brings that solidity to the order where you can bat around him.
"Don't say he is Jacques Kallis or anything like that but he is that kind of player where he goes at his own rhythm and tempo and will score big runs. If you have batsmen to play around him, that's good for the team and you will post big totals." But if England's brittle batting line-up is to achieve big totals it will need Collingwood to rediscover his best form.
